


I Don't Know How to Love You

by StardustAce



Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, My Engineer - Freeform, Nervousness, SO MUCH FLUFF, ep. 14 spoilers, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24457270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StardustAce/pseuds/StardustAce
Summary: So, that finale happened. Here’s what went down once Ram and King got back home.
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 211





	1. Version 1

King got back home first. As he closed the door behind him, he just sat down on the floor and sobbed.

_What the fuck did I do? Why? Why did I do that? Why am I like this?_

He could feel his phone buzzing. It must be Ram. Shit, he couldn’t deal with this right now. King threw his phone across the room as he kept sobbing. How was he supposed to talk to Ram about this? He had kissed the guy, and they had only been friends for a short while.

The truth was, King just wasn’t sure about this whole ‘liking boys’ thing. It was cool that his friends were getting boyfriends and all of that. That was great. He just never thought that it would be him, and that scared the shit out of him.

~

King had pulled himself together by the time that Ram arrived. As he walked through the door, King was watering his English Ivy. Ram just stood there, looking at him. Waiting. Even in the heavy silence, King couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“I wasn’t drunk," Ram said quietly.

“I saw,” King whispered, almost too quietly.

Ram walked towards him slowly. “Why… why are you avoiding me?”

King kept tending to his English Ivy, staring at it intently, trying as hard as he could to pretend that Ram wasn’t there. He couldn’t deal with it.

“P’King-”

“Please don’t,” he whispered, tears filling his eyes.

“I’m not leaving. Talk to me." He put a hand on King’s shoulder, and he shrugged it off, turning away.

Ram still didn’t move. _Why isn’t he leaving? Goddamn it, why won’t he just go?_

King moved on to his orchids, giving them some water. After a moment, his shoulders began to tremble and small whimpers escaped his lips. He collapsed in on himself and just cried. Ram ran over and sat beside him, rubbing his shoulder gently.

“Why… are you… still here?” he said through his sobs. “Why can’t you see… how painful this is? I can’t do this!” He yelled. “I’m terrified of you! How can you not see that!”

“Why?” Ram said in a hushed voice.

“You make me feel too much! I don’t understand. I feel good when I’m around you, but I can’t do this. I can’t be like this, but that doesn’t even change anything! I’m afraid of you. I’m afraid because I love you!”

“And you think that I don’t love you? Why would I have kissed you then?”

“It doesn’t matter,” King said, tears streaming down his face. “It can’t… matter."

“If it makes you feel good, why run away?”

“Because… you’re a guy… and I’m a guy…”

“And?”

“But… I…”

“What do you, King, want? What would make you happy?” Ram said softly, wiping away King’s tears. “Not anybody else. Just you. What do you want?”

“I…” he sniffled. “I don’t know."

“Why did you chase me for so long, P’King?”

“I didn’t think… I didn’t think I would feel this way. You were intriguing. I just thought… I don’t know."

Ram took his chin and tilting it so that he could look into King's eyes. He stared at him so intently, but he didn’t dare look away.

“What do you want, P’King?”

Tears continued to fall down King’s face. “I want… to kiss you again."

Ram leaned in slowly, and gave him a small peck on the lips. Their foreheads rested against each other, and King inhaled sharply. Then, he leaned in and kissed Ram again, melting against him. When they parted, he was still crying and looked down at the floor.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” King confessed. “That’s why I’m scared. I’ve never been with a guy. I’ve never even felt this way about a guy before."

“Neither have I,” Ram breathed, stroking King's hair.

“Why aren’t you afraid?”

“I feel comfortable around you. You get me. You always have”. King nodded slowly. “You were so bold before. Can I ask what happened?”

“…when Ting Ting took our picture, they both said that we would be a cute couple. It… made things real… I got scared. I guess, it didn’t sink in until then."

Ram hummed. “If this isn’t something that you want, or you’re not ready, we don’t have to change anything."

King shook his head. “No”. King looked him in the eyes, a sudden burst of confidence taking over him. “I… I like you. A lot. I want to be with you."

Ram smiled and took his hand. “I want to be with you too”. King bit his lip, trying to suppress a smile. “We can take it slow,” Ram whispered. “I promise."

King nodded, reaching up to touch Ram’s lips. “Can.. can I kiss you again?”

Ram beamed at him and caressed King’s cheek. King leaned in and kissed him slowly, finally allowing himself to relax.


	2. Version 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guyyyys there are soooo many possibilities here 😏

King had made up his mind. He was going to tell Ram the truth. Their relationship meant so much to him, and he didn’t want it to end because of secrets and misunderstanding. It would be better if he was just honest, and then he could move forward, whatever that meant. There was already a tear in their relationship from all of this. The least he could do was clear the air.

As King opened the door of the condo, he found that Ram was sitting at the table, seemingly waiting for him at arrive. When Ram saw him, his eyes widened as he stood up and walked over towards him.

“You’re… back already,” King said, his voice quivering slightly as he closed the door behind him.

As King set down his bag, Ram nodded. “You looked relieved when I said that I didn’t remember,” he said, getting right to the point.

King’s lips parted, but he couldn’t get his mouth to form any words.

“Why?” Ram asked tentatively.

For a long moment, everything was silent. King was starting to second guess himself. How was he supposed to do this? They had never had conversations like this before. What was he even supposed to say? _Hey, Cool Boy! I totally like you. A lot. But let’s never have sex. Okay? Cool? Cool._ What the hell was he supposed to say? He had to say something! Anything!

“I...” King took a shaky breath, then looked away. He couldn’t do it. He tried to walk away, but Ram grabbed his wrist gently.

“Why?” he uttered softly.

“There’s something that you don’t know,” King said quietly, looking at their hands. _He’s never going to touch me like this again_ , he thought, his heart sinking.

Letting go of his wrist, Ram took King’s hand and held it tightly, silently asking him to keep going.

“I… I need to tell you that I’m sorry first,” King said, the words tumbling from his lips. “I should have told you everything before, but I didn’t think that… I didn’t know that we would…” he sighed, surrendering to the feeling of discouragement that was sweeping through his heart.

“…I’m asexual,” King whispered, glancing down at the floor. “It means-”

Ram cut him off, gently tilting his chin up. King peered up at him hesitantly. Ram nodded and grinned brightly.

“What?” King said lowly, furrowing his eyebrows. His mind was jumbled with all sorts of questions and confusion.

Ram carded his fingers through King’s hair, still smiling at him. _What is he doing?_

“I don’t understand,” King mumbled, his eyes desperately trying to understand the expression on Ram’s face.

Ram grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the sofa. Once they had sat down, Ram looked at him with a genuine and earnest expression. “We don’t have to have sex.”

King’s jaw dropped. “But-”

“We don’t have to have sex, P’King,” Ram repeated.

“How… Why…” King was genuinely confused. This was the last thing that he thought Ram would say. He had already accepted his fate! He thought that they wouldn’t be together! What was going on?

“Sex isn’t the most important thing to me. I just want to be with you.”

King just sat there, his mouth hanging open. He was absolutely shocked and had no idea how to respond.

Luckily, Ram seemed to get the message. “I’m not interested in you because of having sex in the future.” He gave King’s hand a loving squeeze. “You’re important to me.”

King’s ears turned pink. “You… you really… still like me?”

Ram nodded happily, his eyes shining, and a deep flush crept across King’s cheeks.

“Can I ask,” Ram softly said, “Is this why you said that you were tortured?”

King nodded hesitantly, picking at the hem of his shirt with his other hand. “I didn’t think that I would end up falling in love with you,” he admitted cautiously. “When I did, I was… in denial, I think. You make me feel so… good and I… I wasn’t prepared for that. When I kissed you, and you kissed me back… I got… scared. I knew that I was going to let you down.”

“But you didn’t,” Ram said with a smile.

After a moment, King blurted, “I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” He bit his lip. “I… I’ve never really done dating and all of that… I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“And you think that I do?” Ram snorted.

King grinned. “Was that a sarcasm? I’ve never heard you be sarcastic before.”

Ram smiled, looking down. “I meant that I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

“Ahhh, because you will only talk to people that you are close to. Makes sense.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, but it wasn’t awkward anymore. The fear that was once in the air had vanished, and their trust in each other remained.

“Do you think…” King paused, “would you like to go on a date sometime?” he asked slowly.

Ram’s ears turned red as he nodded enthusiastically.

“Can I give you a hug?” King pleaded wholeheartedly.

Ram opened his arms and King nestled into his chest, his heart bursting with happiness.


	3. Version 3

King closed the door of his condo behind him and turned on the lights. Silence.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting… Ram hadn’t been here in days… yet, he couldn’t help but picture him sitting on the sofa or watering the plants.

It’s too quiet. Yet, somehow, the emptiness was heavy. That kiss… the weight of the memory was crushing him. He couldn’t get it out of his head.

This wasn’t what King had intended. When he first met Ram, he found him intriguing. His personality was fascinating, so King decided to try to get to know him. That was it. King had never planned to fall in love with him. To be completely honest, King was shaken by this entire situation. The way that he felt about Ram was unlike anything that he had ever experienced. There was a depth to their relationship that he had never expected, and that just made this even more difficult.

Yet, somewhere deep inside of his mind, he had the urge to tell him the truth. He had never told anyone before, but… it's Ram. He would be supportive.

At the same time… it's Ram. He is too important to lose.

_I don’t want to let him down. But I already have._

Still standing at the door, he slowly took out his phone from his pocket and tapped on Ram’s contact. He stared at it for a while, debating whether or not to text him. He was nervous. Tremendously and undeniably nervous.

With shaky hands, he wrote, “Hey u free rn?” and stared at it, thumb hovering over the send button. _Do it. Just do it. No. Yes. No. It’s better to do it now. If you don’t do it now, it’s still going to happen someday. Do it now. Do it while you still have a little bit of control._

_And dignity._

He hit send.

 **King**  
Hey u free rn?

The silence hit him again. Except this time, it was also full of terror. _What the hell did I just do?_ After a few moments of panic, his phone buzzed.

**Cool Boy**  
Yes

 **King**  
Can we meet up?

 **Cool Boy**  
Park?

 **King**  
Sure

 **Cool Boy**  
K

_Okay… okay…_ King wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. _This is good! This is… this is really not good._

He slowly turned around and opened the door again, heading to the park.

~

It was just starting to get dark outside as King arrived at the park. He walked along the empty paths, the cool breeze turning his cheeks a bit pink. There were so many thoughts and worries jumbled in his mind. Too many unknowns. Too many regrets.

King could hear footsteps coming from behind him, so he looked over his shoulder. Ram.

Ram quietly approached him, stopping a few feet away. The two of them stood there are stared at each other in silence for a while, neither quite sure of what to say.

“…Hi,” Ram said in almost a whisper.

“…Hi,” King replied, barely looking at Ram. He was picking at the skin on his thumb anxiously. _Say something. Just say something_. “I… uh…” _Nice_.

“You… want to talk?” Ram asked, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah… yeah,” King said, gaze fixated on the ground. “Um… do you… do you want to sit?” he asked, looking over at one of the benches on the side of the path.

Ram nodded and walked over, sitting down on the left side.

King sat down on the other side, leaving a small gap between them. His hands were shaking, and to make matters worse, Ram noticed. Ram reached a hand over and placed it on top of King’s.

“P’King,” Ram said softly, “Whatever it is that you want to say, it’s okay.”

_It’s not okay. Not for you anyway._

After taking a shaky breath, he whispered, “I’m… I don’t like sex.”

Ram’s eyebrows furrowed. “Who said anything about-”

“I mean ever,” King blurted. “I don’t like it now and… and I won’t ever like it.”

Ram’s gaze softened, and the hand that was resting over King’s still remained. “P’King,” Ram said kindly, giving his hand a small squeeze. “That’s just fine.”

King looked up at him hesitantly. “It… it doesn’t bother you? That I don’t want sex? Or… or that I don’t want you in the same way that you want me?

Shaking his head, Ram said, “I like you because of who you are as a person, not because of what sex would be like with you.”

“I… really?”

“Can I hug you?” Ram asked gently.

King immediately pulled him into the tightest hug, burying his face into Ram’s shoulder. He was at a loss for words. As tears welled up in his eyes, nuzzling closer into Ram’s neck. “Thank you,” was all that he could manage. “Thank you. Thank you.” He wrapped his arms even tighter around Ram’s torso, gripping his shirt and pulling him as close as he possibly could.

Ram was rubbing King’s back with one hand and resting his other hand on King’s neck. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. This wasn’t his battle to fight.

“I’ve never told anyone before,” King whispered into Ram’s shoulder.

Ram leaned back and looked into King’s teary eyes. With his thumb, he wiped away a few tears that had fallen. “Do you feel okay?” he asked.

His eyes were shining brightly as he nodded. “I thought that you would be resentful… that I led you on…”

“You didn’t lead me on,” Ram said, caressing his cheek tenderly. “I feel the exact same way about you as before.”

“So do I,” King whispered, smiling softly. “Except with a bit less guilt.”

“Good,” Ram replied, smiling in return. “You have no reason to feel guilty.”

King closed his eyes and lean into Ram’s hand, savoring the feeling.

Leaning in, Ram touched their foreheads together and nosed him gently, silently asking for permission.

Without a moment of hesitation, King leaned in and captured Ram’s lips in his own. Ram delicately raised his hand to King’s neck and threaded his fingers through his hair. King’s hand found its way to the back of Ram’s neck, pulling him closer. No unknowns. No regrets.


End file.
